Subject: Introduction and Goals for Communication Development
I hope this message finds you well. My name is Kenji Teeng, and I am a graduate of Temasek Polytechnic (TP) with a diploma in Mechatronics Engineering. I am excited to participate in the Critical Thinking module. Having taken a similar course in TP, I believe this course will further enhance my skills in analysis, evaluation and problem solving which are crucial in engineering. During my studies, I worked on various engineering lab experiments and projects. These experiences solidified my passion for engineering through hands-on learning. It allowed me to see practical applications of concepts and develop a deeper understanding of engineering principle.
My hobbies are not particularly diverse, as I spend my lesure time gaming. I enjoy playing Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Games (MMORPGs) and strategy games. While these games are for entertainment purpose, but it consists of problem-solving, strategic thinking and communication skills. I believe these closely align with critical thinking skills needed in engineering.
One of my strengths in communication is presentations. During my time at TP and during my internship, I presented project details to my class and to a team of engineers at the company.
However, despite being a strength, it is also an area where i struggle. I enjoy presenting but i sometimes feel nervous and stutter, which lowers my confidence. My written communication is another flaw which needs improvement, as I tend to use shortforms and occassionally stray off-topic, making it unclear and hard to follow.
To address these gaps, I have set two goals for this module. First, I aim to improve my public speaking skills by managing presentation anxiety and practicing structured delivery. Second, I plan to enhance my written communication so that my reports and proposals are clear, concise and impactful.
What makes me unique is my resilient and analytical mindset. I approach challenges as opportunities and growth rather than setbacks. I enjoy breaking down complex problems into manageable steps to find effective solutions. This combination allows me to remain persistent and resourceful, enabling me to deliver results even in difficult situations. These are valuable traits in the field of engineering.
Thank you for taking time to read my introduction. I look forward to learning from you and further refine these critical skills.
Yours sincerely,
Kenji Teeng
Read: Treven, Gheslane, Pei xuan
Dear Kenji,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your introduction letter; your enthusiasm and energy stood out. The flow between paragraphs, such as transitioning from weaknesses to goals, was particularly effective.
However, the letter felt more conversational than formal at times, with phrases like "stray off-topic." Additionally, the use of "but" in "While these games are for entertainment purpose..." is unnecessary, as there’s no contradiction.
Overall, it’s well-structured and engaging. A few language adjustments will make it even more polished.
Yours sincerely,
Jeryl
Thank you jeryl for your wonderful feedback
DeleteGreetings Kenji,
ReplyDeleteYour introduction letter was very informative and gave me a new perspective on you. I believe the content was captivating and answered the points.
However, I noticed a spelling error in your second paragraph, "lesure" should be "leisure". You could perhaps go more in-depth on how your passion for games could carry over to critical thinking as I was unable to see the connection.
Besides all of this, I have nothing else to add. This is a very well-written and organized self-introduction, with enough depth in content and straightforwardness.
I look forward to you achieving your goals in this module, best of luck.
Best regards,
Jeremiah
Thank you jeremiah for the wonderful feedback
DeleteDear Kenji,
ReplyDeleteI truly enjoyed reading your letter, and overall, it is well-written. However, I have a few suggestions that could help improve it further.
For starters, you might want to indicate the purpose of your email at the beginning by explaining the email serves as an introduction and to share your goals.
Additionally, there are some minor grammatical errors you can rectify. "Lesure" in your second paragraph should be "leisure" and in your third paragraph, you might have overlooked the "i" that should be in capital letter in the sentence "However, despite being a strength, it is also an area where i struggle"
All the best to you as you overcome your challenges, I hope you find my suggestions helpful.
Regards,
Royston Lee
Thank you royston for the wonderful feedback
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear Kenji,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this mostly clear, well developed and informative letter. You address all the points of the brief well.
I enjoy learning, for example, about how you often play online games, and that such gaming is actually a means for you to practice "problem-solving, strategic thinking and communication skills." If there were space left for explaining this, I'd like to see an illustration.
I also appreciate how you share about your comm skills and module aims. I've made a mental note of the fact that though you write that you're comfortable speaking to groups (such as our class), you still need to develop more confidence. And there are certainly strategies that you can learn to do that.
In your letter, you also explain what makes you special, which is something that is startting to come across in our classroom lessons. I've seen you display confidence in talking to the class in general, but I've also noticed that at times you need to reign in your gregariousness.
Of course, I too want the class to be fun, but, as you know, there's a time and place for everything.
In terms of your language use, this letter is a very good effort. There are, however, a few areas that I'd like you to take note of: (I've done the 2nd one for you.)
1. These experiences solidified my passion for engineering through hands-on learning. It allowed me to see practical applications of concepts and develop a deeper understanding of engineering principle.
> (pronoun referent: "It" refers to what?) Passion? But wouldn't it be better to refer to the "experiences?" Or 'They'?
2. While these games are for entertainment purpose, but it consists of problem-solving.... > (phrasing issue: pronoun referent)
While these games are for entertainment purposes, but they consist of problem-solving....
I look forward to learning more about you this term.
Best wishes,
Brad
Dear Kenji
ReplyDeleteThank you for the delightful introduction letter, I have completed reading it and I am able to provide you with some insightful comments. Overall, the letter is clear and concise, and consists of a good amount of depth in relevant detail, though there are some grammatical errors which i noticed.
I enjoyed the way you connected your education history in the the engineering field, connecting it to your passion for learning.
I also enjoyed how you stated that your sources of entertainment are also ways that help you improve your critical thinking skills and yourself overall
Overall, I look forward to working and learning with you in this critical thinking module
Best wishes,
Treven